"I'm as clever as a mildly retarded weasel." - Amanda
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Then running a speech analyzation program in his neural-net, Mr. Piccirilli instantaneously ascertained
that he had made a grave miscalculation in his hand-eye subroutines and his numeric playback memory circuits. He reasoned
that he has indeed switched the numbers around and called a small suburban area of Japan, noting the distinct dialect of Japanese
that is prominent among that region. Then he called up all his data on the language of Japanese and said, politely,
"I am sorry, most respected elder." Perfectly pronouncing the delicate dialect, and hung up the phone. He then called
up the entire rate structure of his phone company and the local Japanese phone company and calculated that his error would
cost his exactly 2.18 U.S. dollars."
Mr. Piccirilli - "I DID NOT DO THAT!"
Vinacco - "Dude, yes you did, you're a frigging robot! How did you know how to speak to that freaking Japanese
woman?! And how did you "estimate" the cost of your call?!"
Mr. Piccirilli - "You do reilize that now that you have found out my secret, I will have to kill you."
Vinacco - "Bring it, Johnny-5!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Well excuse me for being an insecure social know-nothing!!!" - Caitlin
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"CELLAR DOOR!" - Merrill
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Dave Roy - "You broke the band's new piano!!!"
Vinacco - "Fuck that! It was all Duffer's fault! Now, for an unrelated reason, I'm getting out of here!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" - George Carlin
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Wise sir, do not grieve. It is always better to avenge dear ones than to indulge in mourning. For
everyone of us, living in this world means waiting for our end. Let whoever can win glories before death. When
a warrior is gone, that will be his best and only bulwark." - Beowulf
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"David Anderson is certainly a man on a mission.
David Anderson is calling for road salt.
David Anderson
is violating the trust of Canadian citizens.
David Anderson is a gardening father by day, but when the lights go out he
scares his kids." - Deej
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"So I was out pickin up Rhonda in my IROC, and this guy says to me, 'Hey, ya know what IROC stands for?' So I
says, 'No', and he says, 'Italian Retard out Cruisin'!'" "OH! That guy needs a beatin'!" - SNL, courtesy of Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up." - Mitch Hedberg
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You guys smell like old soup...suckers!" - Precious Roy, Sifl & Olly
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Gay sheep may help scientists understand homosexuals." - AOL ticker: 11/4/02
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"HA! Marcinko's a Canuk!" - Mike Burke
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Dion, I'm going to smash you in the face with a shovel!" - Feeny
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"God damn it..." - Trinity
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"POOP ON YOU!" - Mystery kid at Cranston East High School
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." - Emo Phillips
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - W.C. Fields
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I like children...fried." - W.C. Fields
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." - Oliver Herford
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your house faster than the police." - Jeff Marder
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Woodman - "Mr. Ventura, the exams - "
Mr. Ventura - "Go away, Woodman!"
Woodman - "But I'm in your class!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Whoa! This pizza is better than sex!...not that I would know." - Brother Kiernan
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Huzzah!" - D.A.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You know where I am, in the back. You can come see the cardboard cutout of me...and talk to it." - Mr. Ventura
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Woodman talking to Dr. Tardiff about his homeschooled children*
Woodman - "What happens when they're sick?"
Tardiff - "..."
Woodman - "Have they ever tried to bunk?...'Here's a note from my mom.' 'I AM your mom!'"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"What about multiple-choice essays?" - Deej
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Moron student talks to D.A., Elig, and Brooks*
Kid - "Are you three brothers?"
*They all look around at each other.*
Brooks - "Yeah ... I'm Fatty, D.A.'s Sleepy, and Elig's Dopey."
Canino - "No, D.A. and Elig are the other way around."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I think I got this keychain from Chuck E. Cheese...I'm not sure."
Phil - "Chuck E. Cheese kicks ass."
D.A. - "I am Chuck E. Cheese."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Deej starts humming*
D.A. - "Dan is like a jukebox, but he doesn't play any songs we like."
Deej - *continues singing Oliver's Army*
D.A. - "Here. I'll give you a dime if you play 'Ein Klein Nachtoser' by Mozart."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Gesualdi talks about a protest rally*
Gesualdi - "Is this gonna be peaceful, or is it like...riots and stuff?"
Mrs. Charbonneau - "Yeah...I'm packin' a piece. *pats imaginary holster*"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Piccirilli - "Woodman, where's your textbook?"
Woodman - "I sold it for drugs."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Toy Drive...what should we get them?"
Dave Hughes - "Let's get them universal remotes!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Walks to Cassandra's door in white tux*
"Dude! You look like a huge Irish sperm!" - Cassandra
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You understand that I will show no mercy while kicking your ass, correct?" - Erin
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Erin - "*makes crude comment to me*"
Me - "We'll see just how funny it is when you're walking home..."
Erin - "Yeah right. I can't wait to see how long that attitude lasts."
Me - "*waits*...Okay, fine. You win."
Erin - "How long was that?"
Me - "Six seconds."
Erin - "Impressive."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Ride the hog of justice, fucker!" - Duffer
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Why don't you stop him from hitting me?! You're supposed to be in charge of dicipline here!"
Mr. Piccirilli - "Because it's too damn funny!"
Vinacco - "And you call yourself an educator..."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Yells in front of all the band parents after slicing up his arm*
"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BACTINE?!" - Duffer
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Crackers, crackers, but no squeezy cheese!" - Blessington
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Corrigan - "Do you think I was born yesterday?"
McGarry - "Yes?"
Corrigan - "Wrong, sucker. I was born the day before!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*In monotone voice*
"Today, candles will be sold in the cafeteria...oh joy." - Mr. Sheldon
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"This is good shit. Jump in." - Mr. Berry
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Piccirilli - "Everyone, for once, did pretty well using the basic Spanish grammar. However, somewhat excluded
from this group is Mr. Vinacco, who normally kicks the shit out of all of you in grammar, used a "Yo es" in his test...which,
as the rest of you know, means "I is." We will now ostracize him from the group."
Vinacco - "Yeah, well maybe if you weren't such a slave-driver and made us do this thing in 20 minutes, I would
have been able to catch that error, pretty boy!
Piccirilli - "Oh, oh! I is scared! *mock shivers*"
Vinacco - Someday you will pay for your sassy attitude...with your very life!!!"
Piccirilli - "I will run you over with my car."
Vinacco - "In what?! A BMW, Mr. fancy-pants?! I rest my case, brat."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
- David Letterman
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Corrigan - "Why are you handing these in at the last minute?!"
Vinacco - "I just got them done."
Mr. Corrigan - "Sir, my advice to you is do not procrastinate."
Vinacco - "Oh yes, I know that. Procrastination is like masturbation; it feels good until you realize you're
only fucking yourself."
Mr. Corrigan - "Sir, Mr. Vinacc-, *sigh*... Sir, fist off don't swear. With language like that in our schools,
we're no better then those monkeys in the public schools. Secondly, I applaud you on your comparason."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"The Jedis are friggin' Republicans..." - Neil Remesceowitz
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Freitas - "But Myrth York has the advantage!"
Neil - "SKELETOR!!!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I AM JESUS!!!" - McGee
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Dave Roy walks into band practice in a rabbi's garb*
Garrepy - "*stares*...and on that note, I think I'm going to let you guys go early."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I feel like fucking shit crap ass." - Deej
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm really sick, and I'm having hallucinations. Like...the members of the North American Man/Boy Love Association
are chasing me through Garden City...baaaaad trip." - Deej
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If I was a chick, fucking Tim would be nothing I would be proud of." - Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I must be of going type." - D.A.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck fuck shit fuck?" - Mr. Berry
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Then he shot him...blood, guts, and ass everywhere..." - Fred Clifford
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You can hardly believe it, can you? There was a poodle in his pants the whole time! I'm that poodle...You know
why you can't believe it? Cause you are stupid...punch me in the balls! Damn you, punch me in the balls!!!" - Crazy poodle
from JoeCartoon.com
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"My printer has gas." - Amanda
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Jesus, it's the fuckin' bird man!" - Ghost Dog
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Garrepy - "Either see sharp (C#), or be flat (Bb)!!!"
Marcinko - "...shut up, Garrepy!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*me to Ayla*
"C'mon...be my dark spawn of the night. Please?! I'll give you a cookie!" - Me
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"More fun than a barrel of horny monkeys." - Pete Meegan
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"When a woman says she will obey you of her own free will, it's time to sleep lightly and watch your back." -
Duffer
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"*freaks out*
Bwahaha muhghuttttian!!! Spawn of Satan! bwa! Jesus, Satan, Jesus, Satan, Jesus, Satan, Jesus, Satan, JESUS!!!
FLOOOOOP!
*throws soda bottle at me*" - McGee (just one of those days...)
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Dude! We should get an oscelot!" - Demick
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"IROC: Import Rice Oughta Cry." - Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I need a way to remember these damn presidents."
Kurt - "Why are Japanese men miniature?"
Me - "...What?!"
Kurt - "*sigh*...Washington. Adams. Jefferson. Madison. Monroe."
Me - "okay, sure."
Kurt - "Why = Washington! Are = Adams! Japanese = Jefferson! Men
= Madison! Miniature = Monroe! W.A.J.M.M.!!!"
Me - "OH! I get it now!"
Kurt - "You stupid Irish bastard!!!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Berry - "You're obsessed with midgets, man."
McHugh - "They're fascinating cratures."
Mr. Berry - "I didn't know you were such a connoseur of midgets, Chris."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"...And there is no definite article in Latin. Get the 'La' out of the there before I hit you with my car and
we're chanting the Dies Irae for you, asswipe." - Brad yelling at me about screwing up the Dies Irae.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"No no, no, you hyîåh, me nîåh!" - Cartman
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I am the walrus king! Fear me, bitches!" - Mystery kid
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Give me bacon, or give me death." - Me
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Wow...you like men." - Kurt
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"What do you think Latin is, a third world language like Spanish?!" - Brad
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Switch off the lights, and close your eyes, and feel the energy inside..." - "Fire" by Scooter
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Rob McCall - "Why do we have to learn this?!"
Mr. Ventura - "yeah? well...FUCK YOU!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Ponder this: red fish, blue fish, green fish, yellow fish...now please tell me why there isn't a purple fish
with pink polka-dots!" - Rinnie
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Captain Planet is the greatest superhero ever. Why, you ask? Because he has a green mullet." - Tim Fanning
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "*puts in Rammstein cd* *skipps a couple tracks* Oh! dude! you have to hear this song. They have little
kids singing in it."
Tim - "Awesome...hardcore shit with little kids..."
Me - "Dude! Sick!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Kurt and Smay telling gay jokes*
Kurt's Mom - "Stop it with the gay jokes!"
Kurt - "Hey mom! Me and Smay are gonna go have sex!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Tim - "So, Erin, you're saying monkeys are as dumb as Josh?"
Erin - "Noo noo noo!"
Tim - "That's insulting
to monkeys!"
Erin - "I'm saying they are a lot alike...monkeys are cute and cuddly and they dance for nuts...but they
don't fling as much poo as Josh."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Some freshman - "FUCK!"
Sheldon - *walks behind him and taps him on the shoulder* You, come with me..."
Fred Clifford - "Oh...here comes the shit storm!!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Did I forget to mention that we should nuke the Middle East...and the South?" - Neil
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"No, you dirty liberal! Stop making your inability to compete in economy your crutch!" - Neil
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Ah, slander and name-calling...the last resort of the Liberal after all their arguments come a' crashin'
down."
Freitas - "It is not! You guys are just insensitive biggots that don't care for the poor!"
Neil - "Ah, go pick some daisies, Liberal!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Jesus Christ, dude! Why are you such an idiot?!"
Neil - "Ahem...Liberal, Liberal, Liberalllll!"
Vinacco - "Ah yes, I guess we can't hold that against him too much..."
Me - "Yes we can!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I am not a form of vegetation.
I do not need currency.
I make time for time.
I am your bagpiper of choice.
I am hard work's most feared enemy.
I am a medium-sized fedora.
I created the Matrix.
I am the closest distance between two points.
I am the toast without the bread." - Me
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Ferri - "I think I have Alsheimer's...my hand won't stop shaking."
Me - "You mean Parkinson's?"
Ferri - "Yeah, Alsheimer's."
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm sneaky. Sneaky sneaky. Like an elephant." - Caseh
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"NAMBLA is god..." - Jon
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Yeah...I like dick." - Becky
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"This car is amazing. It turns like you wouldn't believe...takes corners like hookers on Broad Street." - Eric
